The Power of Quiet
Recently I noticed that my patience had been a little shorter than normal. Daily interactions with my wife had become more strained, and my focus was drifting.
When I finally allowed myself a moment to be still, the obvious hit me - I needed some quiet. I needed a moment to be - without the distractions of the myriad of other things that we all deal with every day. In that moment, I realized I needed to silence the world around for, if only for a few minutes. I couldn't believe how energizing it was, and after 3-4 minutes I felt better - better than I had in a very long time.
Mediation has become a very popular '"life hack". I have always thought of meditation as sitting in a robe and chanting random phrases that have some spiritual meaning. I was VERY wrong - being silent for a short period of time has improved my ability to jump back into the daily grind.
It has also reminded me of one the tenants of the Noble Alpha - quiet control. A Noble Alpha always listens, thinks then reacts. We'll cover this in more detail in a future post.
Recently, I decided to add a small change to my weekly routine to ensure some 'mental silence'. For the last month, I've visited my local coffee shop with a book for an hour or two. I invited my wife to join me on my first try of this new routine, and it worked wonders for her as well. On our first visit, we spent the entire time reading and checking in on each other with a smile or a wink.
Lately, we take the first few minutes of our 'time away' to catch up on some important topics. We keep it short because we both want to disconnect a bit and just be with ourselves for just a few precious moments. This small routine has provided a small touchstone for both of us and has made a difference in our ability to be better partners in our lives together.
I would encourage you to give this a try, in whatever version you like. You will be amazed at the difference.
The statement is true, Noble Alpha. Silence is golden.
The Struggle Never Stops…
I'd be lying if I said 2023 has been easy so far - not that I expected it to be easy or every day to be a success. I started the year with amazing plans to meet my goals. I want to build the Noble Alpha platform by creating monthly blog posts, creating a social media presence and opening the online store. I want to work to hit my next set of weight loss and financial goals. I have been able to meet or even exceed some goals, like increasing my jiu jitsu training and books read. I have found it challenging to celebrate those wins when there are many goals that haven't been met.
It Will Weigh on You - Prepare Yourself.
I have rediscovered the weight of my failures, on many levels. Each failure had ability to affect my mood. These failures often have a cascading effect on my interactions with other people. They can also have an effect on my general frame of mind. A failure can even influence my choices, which are not inline with other goals.
I hate to make this admission, but I can be an emotional eater - especially when it comes to stressful situations. I still find myself craving "x" which tends to be something very heavy in sugar or starch content. The weight of the failure increases as I sit and consume "x", I feel guilt. The guilt increases more because I know I am doing something that is detrimental to one of my other goals. As the feelings of guilt and failure increases, the cascade continues…
As an example, it has been a heavy feeling of guilt and shame that I haven't been writing and posting on a regular basis. At times, I have tried to convince myself that no one reads your little blog so why bother?.
Recognition
One of the first strategies I've used is to recognize the beginning of the cascade. Once I am able to recognize what is happening, I can start by embracing the weight. It doesn't make it any lighter, but in my case once I have embraced the burden I can begin to ask questions. Moreover, I can delve a little deeper into the ultimate source of what I'm feeling. This is where real change comes from - knowing the TRUE source of your stress and formulating a plan to make forward progress to combat it.
Distraction Isn't a Solution...
I heard over the years about 'distracting' yourself in these moments, to reset your mindset. My experience is that the relief is very short-lived. To gain long-lasting relief from your burden you must stare it in the face. Only then can you see your burden for what it is, and then design a plan to either conquer it, or begin to learn to live with it. Unfortunately not all burdens can be conquered. Only you will be able to make that determination, Noble Alpha.
Final Note : If you are in need of a 'next read' recommendation, here is the link to the book I’m currently reading : Prisoners of the Castle by Ben MacIntyre.
Strength in Numbers
I've spent a lot of time lately thinking about the immense power of human connection, especially within the context of how essential the members of my tribe are to me and my continued progress towards my goals. The support of my inner circle has been invaluable as I continue on my journey of self-improvement, and as I have spent time reflecting on the 'why' I have begun to see more and more how others have ( and continue to ) have the same experiences.
A Little Science, Mixed with a Little History
There are a multitude of scientific studies on the subject, but in my opinion this 2020 article from Psychology Today by Professor Emma Seppälä, PhD sums up the topic pretty well. In the article, Dr. Seppälä makes reference to the fact that some of the positive aspects of human connection are in fact genetic. Based on my experiences, this makes complete sense - having an open and honest conversation with any member of my inner circle has always provided a kind of therapeutic release and I always walk away from the conversation feeling better and lighter in many cases.
History even shows us the value of the ability to share our true selves with others. It is widely believe that after a battle, Native American warriors would share their experiences around the fire with the tribe. It is believed this gave them the opportunity to process, and perhaps gain closure to the experiences during battle. I believe that this also proved to be a great gift to the tribe - to truly see the effect of battle on the young braves. It might have even provided a chance for the tribal elders to share their experiences and lessons learned from battles of the tribe's past.
Regardless as to whether or not these stories are true or not, I believe they reinforce what we as human beings have known for millennia - our ability to connect with others continues to reap positive benefits.
Choose Your Tribe Carefully
Over the years, I have been very fortunate to maintain a pretty consistent inner circle. Each member has their strengths - whether it be an ability to listen and provide unbiased feedback or I know they're the one I can call on when I just need to unload and all I need in return in "Dude - that sucks…".
On a personal note, I am especially fortunate to have had a member of my tribe for over 20 years. He knows me backwards and forwards, and has the ability to see beyond my emotional outbursts ( at times ) and help me get to the heart of whatever issue I'm dealing with at that time. Those conversations have proven more valuable to me over the years than I can ever put into words, and I am continually grateful for his friendship.
If you're starting out on building your inner circle, look for people who can act as a mentor to you as a starting point. Not only do you want to ( ultimately ) build a tribe for the long-term, but you want to build that group to lift you up on your continued progression towards your best self. Unfortunately, in the early days as I was building my inner circle I included friends from earlier parts of my life as well as people who may not have been the best possible influence. These people, while they might be fun to be with or know your history, may not be able to give you the advice or push you will sometimes need to improve.
Remember - It’s a Two-Way Street
This may be self-explanatory, but I feel it's an important point to remind everyone who is on the Noble Alpha journey. Remember that as you have people who are members of your tribe, you may also be a member of their inner circle. As you've invited them into your circle because you find their careful feedback and ability to really hear what you're saying incredibly valuable, they may have extended the same privilege to you.
If they have invited you to be a member of their inner circle, give them the same gifts they provide you - your complete attention and careful responses. This is something that can't be ignored or abused - don’t return the favor long enough and that valuable member of your tribe may not be so available in the future.
In a world that seems to become more and more divided every day, remember this Noble Alpha - you are not alone. There is great power in our connection to our tribe - don’t be afraid to use it.
One Final Note : The staff at The Noble Alpha is excited to announce that very soon we'll be launching the Noble Alpha Online Store. Our goal here is to simply grow the brand with items you will actually use in your daily life. This is a big step for us - if you have any feedback on the products offered, please drop a note HERE with any suggestions you have. We value your feedback, and thank you for your continued support.
2022 - A Year in Review
For those that have been following my posts for any length of time, you may remember in my very first post where I posted my list of items titled "What do I want?". Feel free to read the post here.
For 2022, I decided to focus on the following items :
Consistency in training of Gracie Jiu-Jitsu
Hit my goal weight by January 1, 2023
Becoming debt free by 12-31-2023
Read at least 5 books annually
I didn't believe these were lofty, nearly impossible goals - at least at the time. In this post, I want to review each item on the list and discuss my plan(s) for each in 2023 and beyond. Let's start with good to…maybe not so much.
Read at least 5 books annually
I didn't really set any other parameters on this one. I've never been a big reader, and I've put a lot of books down over the years because they didn't 'grab me' from the very beginning. I think I've done myself a huge disservice over the years with this thought process, and perhaps missed out on a great number of excellent reads.
I made the decision to try and make establishing this new habit as easy as possible, so I started with a book I knew I would enjoy - I had just finished The Terminal List by Jack Carr, so I decided to immediately jump into the second book - True Believer.
After finishing True Believer, I didn't want to stick with a single author, at least initially. I was concerned that I would fall back into the same pattern of not sticking with a book past the first chapter, so I decided to read a non-fiction book. It just so happened that around the time I was looking for my next read, I heard a highlight from an episode of the Joe Rogan Experience podcast, where Joe was interviewing David Goggins. From listening to that highlight, I went back and listened to the entire episode and found Mr. Goggins and his story very inspiring; this led me to purchasing a copy of his book Can't Hurt Me.
As an aside, I'm currently in the middle of book #12 for 2022 ( or perhaps Book #1 of 2023 )- David's follow-up Never Finished.
I can say one thing about establishing this new habit - I've now adopted a new habit of sticking with a book through the end of Chapter 2, at a minimum. Establishing this new pattern allowed me to by enlightened about how the human body burns calories in Herman Pontzer's book Burn.
I do tend to do most of my reading in the evenings and before bed. One thing I have noticed is that after starting this new habit, my quality of sleep has improved dramatically. I can't say that it's purely because of reading more consistently; I would make the argument its partially because of this habit along with improving my fitness and eating habits.
One last point here - all books I read are paperback or hardback physical books. During the initial 'trial' of this new habit I was primarily reading eBooks through either the Kindle or Barnes and Noble Nook app on my tablet, which I found had a negative impact on my ability to fall asleep more easily. You mileage may vary here, but there are some interesting findings around blue light from electronic devices are you are winding down for the day.
Consistency in training of Gracie Jiu-Jitsu
To be completely transparent, this one was easy. GJJ is not only one of my forms of physical activity, but regular training encourages me to maintain and/or improve other aspects of a healthier lifestyle. As I mentioned in my previous post When a Lack of Self-Discipline Smells…Bad, my goal at the time was to train consistently three times a week. I can happily say that I was able to establish that habit early in 2022, and have maintained it. My new goal is to increase that number to four times a week - while I'm excited about the potential for extra training time, I do have some concerns about the extra time required and what sacrifices will have to made to meet this new goal ( time away from family, etc. ). I am, however, fortunate that my wife is very supportive of my training, and has experienced first-hand the positive benefits I continue to receive from consistent training.
One of the biggest lessons that I continue to receive on the mat is that consistency in training doesn't always mean speed of results. Unfortunately I had very high expectations of my progress when I first began this new habit - I've had to reframe those expectations, and aim for a level of success I've talked about more than once in posts. If I can walk off the mat at the end of a training session and honestly say I am 1% better than I was when I stepped on the mat at the beginning, then the session was a success.
On a side note, one of my proudest moments of 2022 was in March - I was awarded my first stripe on my blue belt.
Hit my Goal Weight by January 1, 2023
I have always struggled with my weight, and have never been proud of my physique. I can't remember the last time I went outdoors without a shirt on, even when enjoying time at the pool or on the beach, because I was embarrassed by my waistline and my lack of any kind of muscle definition, especially around my chest and torso.
Last year, as I saw turning 50 on the horizon, the reality of getting older really began to sink in and I knew I had to make some changes if I wanted to be able to enjoy my remaining years and live them in the healthiest and most active way possible.
I'm very fortunate to have a really good relationship with my primary care physician, and have established a good open dialogue around all aspects of my health. During one of our conversations, we established a weight goal of 245 lbs. At the time, that would mean an 85 lb. reduction in weight as well as a significant reduction in my waist circumference. After the conversation, as many of us have I set some very strict rules for myself around diet restriction and exercise. The first 3-4 days were tough, but tolerable; unfortunately there was 'the slip'. I'm sure it was probably dessert related ( which has always been my Achilles heel ); in the past, this would normally be where I would fall of the wagon completely, feel sorry for myself and go back to the exact same habits that got me into my current position. Thankfully I had the foresight to message my doctor, and tell him what had happened, how I was feeling and ask for some advice. I was surprised by his advice : "OK, so you made a mistake. Cool. Just start again, and work to do a little better next time."
I wouldn't necessarily say it was 'forgiveness' he was offering - more of a reminder that what I was trying to do wasn't necessarily an 'all or nothing' endeavor. At the end of the day, I'm still human and I'm going to make mistakes. Don't continue to beat myself up over them and continue to strive for improvement.
One thing this endeavor has taught me is to pay closer attention to my body, especially when I'm craving something. I will ask myself what else am I feeling in the moment? Am I stressed about something? Stress is one of my biggest 'poor diet decision' triggers, and so I'm working harder to be aware of not only how I'm feeling but my environment ( did someone bring doughnuts in that morning, etc. ).
I would also say one other change that has helped me tremendously is to find fitness options that I enjoy. Jiu-jitsu is a big part of this, but I have also found workout plans that force me to not only invest maximum physical but also engage me mentally to get through the workout. As an example, one of my current fitness goals is to complete a Murph CrossFit workout ( read more about the workout and the Murph Challenge here ). I created a prep program for myself to work my way up to the workout in its strict form, using resistance bands to help me complete the pull-ups while I continue to build strength in my back. As I continue through my program, I reduce the resistance until I'm able to do the required set of strict pull-ups.
I am proud to say that while I haven't met my target yet, I am down over 43 lbs. and continue to make solid progress.
Becoming debt-free by December 31, 2023
This goal has, at least so far, proven to be the most and frustrating.
I could make a lot of excuses about the current global economic state, rising prices and underperforming investments across the board or any other host of excuses. The reality is, at the end of the day I have to be able to control what I can control ( there are so many aspects in life where this statement rings true ) and one thing I can control is how much money is flowing out.
I have not done a good job of this.
I've also realized how much stress this was really causing. Communication between my wife and I, when it came to money and spending, would become very strained and I found that I would walk around for several hours with a giant mental weight on my shoulders.
As an aside, I mentioned the word "control" in the previous paragraph - I sometimes have to reframe what that word means to me. In situations like this, I will occasionally get the thought in my head that if I "clamp down" and take complete control of the family's money and spending I can fix everything. It just doesn't work, in the long-term.
In situations like this, I have to remind myself of a couple of things :
My version of the classic quote : This too shall pass, with the correct focus and changes
I have already have access to the most powerful tool available : data
Over the course of 2-3 days, I sat down with my banking portal and MINT.com and did a deep dive into my family's spending over the previous 6 months. During this deep dive, I discovered we were spending an exorbitant amount of money on food - both eating out and groceries. By simply setting a budget on these two spending targets, we will potentially be able to save more than $1000 a month. The goal is then to taking as much of those savings as possible and redirect it towards our first debt payoff target.
I fully expect to make additional discoveries as I continue to review our spending data, and we will continue to adjust as we go along. This has also acted a reminder that this exercise is not a 'one and done' scenario - your finances are something that will continue to morph and change over a lifetime.
One other mistake that I made is not communicating my goals, the value this could provide for all of us and getting the family involved in the steps to meet those goals. Unfortunately I have a bad habit at times of attempting to "shoulder the load" entirely on my own, and not asking for help. Perhaps one of these days I will learn that it's not a character weakness to ask for help…
Overall
If I had to give myself a grade for my progress towards the goals list above, I'd give myself a solid "C". I definitely made some progress, and even accomplished two of my goals. I feel a great deal of pride in those accomplishments.
That being said, I have a great deal of room for improvement. I didn't maintain the focus that I needed to on the family's finances, and didn't get the family involved as I should have. In regards to my weight and fat loss management, I focused too much on exercise and not enough on nutrition. I now realize there is more to it than just "don't eat the doughnut" - I can pay attention to my mood and how I'm feeling in general.
One other change to my plan is to shorten my list of goals for 2023, so that can maximize my focus on the points that are the MOST important :
Increase weekly GJJ training sessions to four times a week
New Target date for hitting my goal weight : 31-October-2023
Improvements to financial strategy for 2023 :
Payoff targets for high interest debt, and check-in dates for meeting certain smaller targets to reflect progress or pivot
Consolidate saving targets into accounts that are more beneficial ( higher interest or dividend returns, etc. )
By setting check-in date and targets, this will allow me to verify I am using the correct strategy for both my weight loss and financial plans. Based on those check-in targets, I can then pivot if needed or continue on with my current plan.
Needless to say, regardless of my successes and failures in 2022 I'm very excited for 2023. I genuinely believe big things are to come from my family and I.
The future is yours, Noble Alpha. Build your plan and go forward…
Final note : as you may have noticed from some of the links in this article, The Noble Alpha now has an Amazon Affiliate account. The reality is, there are costs involved with running this site as well as some of the plans we have for 2023 and beyond. If any of the books or products Imentioned this article are interesting to you, please consider using those links to make your purchase.
We are grateful for your continued support of The Noble Alpha - thank you for continuing to grow with us.
When a Lack of Self-Discipline Smells…Bad
One of the biggest components as I continue my transformation into a Noble Alpha, the topic of self-discipline makes its way into the conversation again and again. I'd like to share a quick story to reinforce the point…
As I've mentioned in previous posts, I train in Gracie Jiu-Jitsu on a weekly basis; my goal is to train a minimum of three times a week. I have found that, for me, this frequency allows me to progress at a rate that I'm still able to consume the techniques taken from each session while allowing me to roll after each class and recover for the next class/session. This frequency also allows me to keep the focus of continued progress in jiu-jitsu within other aspects of my life - diet, exercise outside of jiu-jitsu, quality sleep, etc.
One of the aspects of my health that I'm continually experimenting with is diet. Typically, on training days, I have the most success during training by starting the day with a protein shake and a couple of espresso shots over ice or an iced coffee -black with a sprinkle or two of cinnamon.
For those that might be interested, I'll put links to the protein shakes and coffee/espresso I drink every morning. For the sake of complete disclosure, I have no relationship with either of these companies - I genuinely like and use their products.
Today was an exception - I had to be up early to take one of our pets to our vet, and on the way home I pulled through a local fast food establishment for a breakfast sandwich. The meal? Delicious. The after effects for me on this particular day? Not so much.
I'm typically a mid-day class attendee, and today was no different. During class, the topic covered was defending the double-under guard pass. In this case, one of the defenses of the guard pass led to a potential arm bar or shoulder lock. I volunteered to try the technique with my usual training partner first, and during the transition passed gas ( thankfully not directly in my partner's face ). To add insult to injury, it was loud enough that our instructor made a joke about 'wild barking frogs' being loose in the gym. As you can imagine, not my proudest moment…
As I was driving home from class, instead of beating myself up about ( like I might have done in the past ), I decided to take a logical look at the situation and review what I could have done to prevent the embarrassment then as well as in the future. The answer seems pretty obvious - which in this case it was :
Don’t eat a heavy meal before class.
I knew better. When I first started training jiu-jitsu, I made some less than optimal choices with pre-training meals. Today just served as a reminder of those lessons learned. I also had to remind myself that it wasn't the end of the world that I made a 'not so great' choice - I made an error, noted it ( again ) and the goal going forward is to not make that same choice again.
The greater point here is that as I continue on this path to become a better version of myself, I must continue to consider the greater effects of my actions - what I put in my body, where I invest my money, the time I spend on my relationships with member of my tribe - all of these are important aspects of my life that I want to improve upon.
Small, measurable changes can have a huge impact as you begin ( or continue on ) your journey of self-improvement. 1% daily improvement, noble alpha - 1% daily improvement.
NOTE :
For those who might be interested, here are the products I use daily :
Black Rifle Coffee Silencer Smooth - I order whole bean and grind it myself with a conical burr grinder I bought on Amazon for my espresso machine at home. Personally, I prefer a lighter roast…
Atkins Plus Milk Chocolate Protein Shakes - say what you want about the Atkins Diet, but for a pre-mixed shake with 30+ grams of protein these taste really good.
One other note - I've mentioned in a few posts about training in Gracie Jiu-Jitsu. Everything else being equal, regular training in a martial art has been one of the biggest improvements I've added to my life over the years. I've included a few links to some online resources that will familiarize those who are not familiar with Gracie Jiu-Jitsu with "the gentle art" :
Chewjitsu : one of the YouTube resources I use when reinforcing a technique learned in class
Knight Jiu-Jitsu : Eli Knight is a Royce Gracie Black Belt, and an excellent instructor - another YouTube resource I use on a regular basis
What is Worthwhile Requires Effort - Just Make Sure It's Worth It
For those of you who are watching 'The Noble Alpha' unfold, thank you for your patience with this post.
I have a confession - I've written several drafts of posts since my last one on a multitude of topics, and they all sounded hollow and a tad pointless. The purpose of this blog was to share my journey to reach my peak, with the hope that my lessons learned will be useful to others and ( hopefully ) inspire those who are on their own journey. It didn't make sense to post what I felt was empty nonsense. As I was going through the process, the word 'effort' kept popping up - and it served as an opportunity to not only consider ( and in some cases reconsider ) what is important to me but also to consider the level of effort involved to reach that goal or complete that task.
Is it Worth it?
Taking the extra time also allowed me the chance to ask a question I hadn't really considered up until that moment - is the goal worth the effort that will be involved? Typically when we think about something we want to achieve, we primarily focus on the time and 'sweat equity' that will have to be invested. Those are fair points, but as I peeled back some of the layers I thought of one key element that I hadn't considered - my family. Specifically, time away from them. Were my goals, whatever they might be, worth the time that I would have to spend away from the two most important people in my life?
Some were easy. For example, one of my goals is to earn a black belt in Gracie Jiu Jitsu ( GJJ ). Training GJJ allows me a way to not only continue to improve my overall wellbeing ( physical as well as mental ), but it provides a touchstone of sorts for the things I do off the mat :
Should I eat that second serving of <whatever>?
Should I spend a few extra minutes before my workout to warm-up, and then a few minutes at the end of cooldown and stretch a bit?
Should I put ‘the day’ away a bit earlier than normal so I can allow my body and mind to prepare for a quality night of sleep?
Others, perhaps not so much. This may sound a bit ridiculous, but I've always had an interest in classic car racing. I've got a 1970s era Italian convertible that I'm very slowly restoring, and I began to research what would be involved to get it ready for local amateur races. Between the fees, constant restoration/upgrade/repair costs and time involved, as well as the time to prepare myself to drive a race car effectively - it just wasn't worth it. I also know my wife well enough to know that while she would never try to stop me from driving a race car, I know she would be worry herself sick constantly. It just wasn't worth it.
Constantly Review Your Goals and Milestones - ALL OF THEM
My point is simply this : go after your goals, if they're important to you. Go after them with a relentless, almost maniacal focus and don't stop until you've achieved or crushed them.
I would also strongly suggest that you break each goal down into smaller goals that are achievable as well as can act as milestones; this allows you to chart your progress, as well as evaluate your path in case changes need to be made. By creating these milestones, you can clearly see what is involved to hit that goal as well as start to get an idea of the resources required - whether its time, money or whatever. There should also be a constant review of these steps, to ensure you're still on the correct path.
Once you've created the steps and have done the research to know what will be involved to reach each milestone, you can make the most informed decision possible about whether or not pursuing the goal is worth what's involved. This can be very difficult, because you may have to take that goal and move it down the list or even off the list - the good news is, by doing so you can focus on one of your other goals. Perhaps once you reach that other goal, you can come back to the one you've reprioritized.
To use the GJJ example again, I know that to be able to meet my goal of a black belt in GJJ, I'm invested for a minimum of 8-10 years. That's 8-10 years of 3-4 days a week on the mats training, learning, making mistakes, etc. Thankfully, one of my newer goals is to continue training GJJ as long as my health allows.
Pursue your goals, Noble Alpha. Just make sure the investment(s) will pay off the way you expect…
Less Stress in My Life
In my first post, I mentioned that I have begun to take a hard look at my life and where I want to improve. Based on this time of deep self-reflection, I created a list simply titled "What do I Want?" :
Less Stress in My Life
Quality Improvement in my hobbies/passions
Better focus on long-term health and wellness
To be the best possible husband and father I can be
To have strong, meaningful friendships
Have the freedom to do what I want, when I want
Continuously build upon my existing knowledge
Improve my daily productivity
In this post, I’ll be discussing the first and perhaps the most difficult - having less stress in my life.
Embrace the Discomfort
From my experience, stress manifests itself differently to everyone - for many people, the decisions made due to stress and the consequences of those decisions can have more of a negative impact than that thing that was causing the stress in the first place. For me, stress tends to manifest itself as a 'silent enabler' - attempting to make me believe the poor decisions I make will have no consequence :
Difficulty Sleeping
Poor eating decisions ( I tend to hit starches and desserts when I’m feeling stressed )
Emotionally shutting out the people I can about the most, in some pathetic attempt to ‘protect them’ from what I’m dealing with
My attention span becomes very short, and I tend to lose focus easily
As I began to peel back the layers of how stress manifests itself in my life, I started to dive deeper into the cause(s) of that stress. The time spent was uncomfortable, to say the least. From my experience, if this internal analysis is done correctly you will feel very exposed and raw. You may find, like I did, that you have to take a break from it and come back later when you're energy reserves are built back up a bit. I say all of this not to discourage you from the process, but to prepare you and encourage you to embrace the discomfort; I firmly believe the end result will be worth it.
While the original list was much longer, I was able to boil down the essence of the multiple items recorded into three primary sources :
Financial Concerns
Procrastination
Long-Term Physical Capabilities
On a personal note, I find it somewhat humorous that I mentioned 'procrastination' being one of my primary sources of stress and in the same article suggesting you 'step away for a bit' while completing your list of stressors. The irony isn't lost on me…
Remember the Moronic Things…
For the sake of not boring you to death, I'll spend the rest of this post discussing the first item from my primary sources : finances.
I have always found money management stressful, and to be bluntly honest I'm not sure I can tell you why ( may have to a deep dive on that in a future post ). When my wife and I were dating many years ago, we would spent every moment together that we could and it was my DUTY to pay for everything we did. She never expected me to, and constantly offered to help but I always insisted - as the man in the relationship it was my job to cover the bill. I look back on those days and remember the MORONIC things I did to have cash in my pocket for date night, events we were going on; my personal favorite is taking out cash advances against a credit card I had no business having so that I could pay for dinner and a movie. As the years moved along and we became parents, there would be times when money would be tight. Instead of being more forthright about the situation at hand, I would continue to make the same dumb decisions like putting something on a credit card that either could have waited or just not been done at all.
Recently we hit a period of less than optimal decisions over the last few years had culminated into a situation where a slightly important need had come up, and there wasn't enough money on hand to resolve it. I fell into some of my usual habits of not sleeping and hitting desserts pretty hard. As you can imagine, the cascading effect of lack of sleep and blood sugar levels that look like a roller coaster began to impact not only the quality of my work but also my interactions with my family - especially my wife. An innocent question about a upcoming family member's birthday gift or something related to the house would be met with curt responses that I'm not necessarily proud of; thankfully for me, at the same time I had begun the internal work of understanding some of the sources of my stress and the awareness of how big of a stressor money is for me. As these things began to reveal themselves, the first conversation I had was with my wife - to not only apologize for my behavior, but to explain some of my discoveries and how I want to address them going forward. For me, this meant being more upfront about how things actually are instead of just 'dealing with it' or 'making it work' - it also meant taking a really hard look at where we're spending our money and what can improved, changed or removed completely from the equation. I expect this work to be ongoing for the years to come, but it also had the unintended effect of bringing us closer because we were partners again
Write It Down
For me, the only way to have this breakthrough was to sit down and make the list. I would encourage you to do the same : make a list of EVERYTHING that gives you any level of stress - it doesn't matter how small or how large it is. Write it down.
Once you've completed the list, go back through each item you've written down and do some hard analysis - you may begin to notice relationships between many of the items you've written down. Once you've done that, you may be able to boil them all down to 3-5 ( or more, or even less ) key points that you can begin to attack. I would also encourage you to not go at this alone - make sure you bring your significant other along with you. If you're single, go to your tribe for advice and feedback. If you're still working on building your tribe, talk to a professional - depending on what your ultimate list items are, it may require talking to a financial planner, or a physical trainer or even a mental health professional. They can help you begin or refine your plan of attack.
I will add a slightly biased final piece of advice : every step forward, even the creation of the list, is a victory. Keep each step in your attack plan small and measurable - a completed item on your checklist can be a huge motivator as you continue on the path. Keeping your steps measurable allows you to provide specifics at each phase, so you can further track your success.
No excuses, Noble Alpha - keep moving forward.